A few weekends ago, we hosted a rock band for our town’s Porchfest. People occasionally request songs at these. The one I tossed out was “I’ve Got a Feeling” by the Beatles.
Everybody had a hard year
Everybody had a good time
Everybody had a wet dream
Everybody saw the sunshine
Everybody had a good year
Everybody let their hair down
Everybody pulled their socks up
Everybody put their foot down
Something in these lyrics speaks to me about the ups and downs of writing, selling, and editing my debut novel, Wednesdays at One. It was a hard year of writing and rewriting. And a (very) good time when Zibby Books acquired it. Plenty of days, I had to let my hair down and relax into the editing process. And occasionally I put my foot down—albeit gently—when an early reader and I saw things differently. There were also a few dark moments when I doubted myself and went off track, so I was always pulling my socks up and watching for sunshine.
As I approach my July 11th book launch date—the public part of the publishing process—friends keep asking me, “How are you feeling?”
Where to start? I’ve got so many feelings right now. I’m thrilled, overjoyed, overwhelmed, nervous, and bursting with gratitude that my twenty-five-year novel-publishing dream is finally coming true. I’m also terrified. It’s the kind of fear that comes with putting your creative work into the world and knowing that people will be judging it.
Strangely, I feel more vulnerable with this book than I did four years ago when I launched my extremely personal and revealing memoir, Trove. Back then, I was so relieved to have made that seven-year journey from book idea to publication that I didn’t fear the judgment of readers and critics. Nothing they said could be worse than the hardest parts of my childhood—those very tales I lived to tell about. And no one could pick apart the believability of my storyline, because everything that happened in Trove was true.
This time, I am more invested in my novel being successful, because it’s not about me. It’s about the story, the characters, and the writing. Which is to say, it’s all about the book. Will it make people feel deeply and keep turning pages? Are they going to understand the journey of my protagonist–a broken psychologist looking for redemption? Will the themes of forgiveness and connection resonate after they’ve read the last line? Like every author, I want my book baby to thrive in the cutthroat literary world, but it’s wobbling me as I hyperfocus on Amazon best-seller rankings and early Goodreads reviews.
On a walk the other night, my wise friend, John, said, “You should be so pleased with yourself for writing a book! You did it! That should be enough.” As he continued to offer encouragement, I had a moment’s realization that maybe he was right. I should be wildly proud to hold my novel in my hands. The hard work is done.
“Yes. Absolutely,” I told him. “I need to see this as an accomplishment, rather than get obsessed with how people will respond.” Then I ran inside to check my Goodreads ratings.
It’s challenging. As humans we want reassurance. As writers we are desperate for it. Beyond the reviews, a key part of the launch process is publicity and marketing, which means doing things like TikTok book launch dance challenges that can make an author—whose happy place is alone in her writing room—feel very exposed. Occasionally I’ll wake up with what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover. That feeling of shame that comes after taking an emotional risk—like posting something personal on social media and caring what people think.
When that happens, I do what my protagonist, Gregory, does when he gets out of sorts: a round of deep breathing, or two, or three, until the feelings subside. (Just to be clear, it works better for me than it ever does for him.)
So what’s ahead? A busy summer with a book tour and a string of wonderful literary events and celebrations. There is a lot to do physically, but there is only one thing left to do emotionally: surrender.
My psychologist husband Mark (not to be confused with my psychologist protagonist) says that when you don’t surrender, you wear yourself down. You’re putting all of your energy and emotion into trying to influence an outcome that you probably have very little control over. When you do surrender, it simplifies things. It’s freeing.
He’s right. (Not always, but definitely this time.)
Reverend Liz, my minister friend, says that surrender has to do with trusting the universe, trusting that you will be cared for, that there is enough love to go around. Or in my case, trusting that my novel will find its way in the world.
I’m going to take another risk now and ask you if you’re trying to control something too? Maybe it has to do with your job, your kids, your partner, your relationship with your body, or perhaps even something you’ve created but are reluctant to share. What if I propose that whatever it is you’re holding inside, you take a deep breath and let it go? Trust the universe will receive it with love. I’ll do the same.
I’ve got a feeling it will be easier if we do it together.
Lastly, feel free to put a comment (or emoji or even one word) below for a chance to win a Moleskine Zibby Books journal. Moleskine is a brand partner on Wednesdays at One, and I’d love to draw two readers’ names from a hat on Friday July 14th and send you each one of these gorgeous books. If your name is picked, I’ll reach out by email next Friday, so you can provide your mailing address.
Thank you for reading…and for your bravery.
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Oh wow.. surrender! Love it, fear it, need to do MORE of it. Thank Mark for THOSE words he gave you that you shared with US! I surrender!!!! Or I promise to start trying to do more of it. And can’t wait to see ALL of your successes with THIS and future novels. Keep on breathing deeply my inspirational friend. And keep on writing too of course!
I’ve got a saying that I’ve often used when the feelings of doubt set in, “life, is a collection of stories, ones to be shared over and over again, when we keep those stories to ourselves and don’t share them, they become relegated to nothing but memories or dreams”
Spoken like a master of living in the moment.
A promise to try is a good start!
Surrender and savor the incredible ride! We all get “vulnerability headaches” when we put our true selves into the world but we also make connections and have extraordinary experiences when we do. Personally I can’t wait to get my hands on Wednesdays at One!!!
So true about the connections and experiences. Thank you!
I will look forward to seeing you and hearing you speak at Harvard Bookstore this week!
I’m so happy to hear that!
Ok, Sandra. You’re on. One, two, three, and surrenderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…. Whoosh 💨
I heard the whoosh!! xo
Hugs
Love p
Love back at you.
Wonderful post. I will work on my surrender game :) — Meantime am so excited for you!!! Enjoy your launch moment.
Thank you! And yes to surrender!
As John said, you WROTE a book! That is a huge accomplishment! The story came to you and you used your beautiful writing craft and set it to paper. Some will like it (I loved it), others won’t . Now is the time to celebrate, share your author’s craft, and keep writing more! I’ve got a feeling everything’s gonna be alright, dear friend!
Thanks, dear friend. xo
To surrender is a process… and progress, clearing the way for new thoughts, emotions and experiences. Enjoy this moment and many more!
Well said–and thank you!
Keep up the fight.
Thanks, Tim!
Congratulations!! I can’t wait to read it! I am always working on the surrender 💚
Thank you! And me, too!
I’m so happy about your book launch – I’m going to bask in the glow of YOUR achievement! It’s going to be amazing! Q: did you do a TikTok book launch dance challenge?💕
Thank you, Sue! And it wasn’t exactly a challenge, but I did DANCE. :-)
Great post. Congrats on the novel. Such a remarkable achievement. Looking forward to seeing you at RJ Julia!
Thank you! And see you in a few weeks!
This is such a great reminder of how we have to forge ahead in spite of or maybe because of our uncertainty! It can be so hard to risk that emotional exposure…we have to surrender and trust or we’d never share our creative endeavors! So glad you shared YOURS! A+. always!
Thank you, Rev Liz, for always being there with the words of wisdom.
This is such a great reminder of how we have to forge ahead in spite of or maybe because of our uncertainty! It can be so hard to risk that emotional exposure…we have to surrender and trust or we’d never share our creative endeavors! So glad you shared YOURS! A+. always!
Always wise words from Rev. Liz. xo
Sandra, I needed this. Recovering from a year of white knuckling my way through, so relieved to surrender all of it. Can’t wait to read Wednesdays at One!! I am so happy for you!
You’ve got this. Let go. xoxo
Mom taught me many lessons in life,”Never live life by, What If’s”, God I wish I understood that way back. Now it’s One day at a time. I commend you as millions of others try to achieve what you have, your truly talented and inspirational.
I know, regarding advice–if only we believed the wise words back then. But, then again, maybe we had to learn the lessons ourselves on our journeys. Thanks for reading and your kind words.
Wow. A great way to start the day and to kickoff the beginning of your book launch. Peace
Thank you!
A very inspirational post! Thank you. As for me I am always trying to manage the future, hammering dreams into ambitions and ambitions into sensible goals, using the only currency available in the marketplace of mammalian optimism: doing the work.
Thanks for responding…and yes. When we do the work, the rest of the fears fade to the background. Right now I’m looking forward to writing again. And I look forward to meeting you.
Can’t wait to meet you in person at last …
“Surrender” is a current favorite of mine. The other is “Trust the process.”
Meanwhile, I’m thrilled for you and cannot wait to read Wednesdays at One. 😍
Thanks you. So hope to see you in Jersey for a hug and some surrender.
Love this — and it’s so true! I remember when my novel launched & I was terrified. My wife didn’t understand— “isn’t this what you always wanted?” Of course, I told her. But now that people were going to read what I wrote, they were also going to judge it. “What if they hate it?” I said. “Some of them will, “ she told me. And of course she was right.
Surrender. It’s the answer to so much!
Thank you! You know these feelings well. I think my husband and I had that exact same exchange…many times!
So much wisdom here. Can’t wait to read your book!! We have it at the Book Rack
Thank you! I’ll see you soon at the Book Rack!
Reading Wednesday’s at One in the foggy drizzle of Maine, trying to surrender to three generations of family all packed into a tiny beach house, chomping at the bit for a sunny day! Thank God Sandra’s novel is such a great escape!
Happy to help you escape anytime, Sue! See you Tuesday!
Loved reading this – and the message from Reverend Liz was an added bonus. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for reading. And, yes, I love having Rev. Liz on speed dial! :-)
What I love most about this is that YOU are the one I go to for exactly this advice. About fear and surrender, freedom and love, writing and not writing. You know what matters and what to do. Pretend you’re me listening to your own advice. And then actually take it. 😉 I am so enormously proud of you.
I can’t imagine finally being at this moment without you. xo
My pre-ordered book ships tomorrow — I cannot wait to get it! I am very frustrated, though, that I have social plans (important ones I can’t miss) that are keeping me from two of your events I really wanted to attend (or at least one!), which is your talk tomorrow at Harvard Bookstore (with Mark!) and again on October 11 at that wonderful book store on Charles Street. But I’ll take your advice from today and….will let it go, will surrender that frustrated feeling. Looking forward to reading your book, though, Sandra. All the best!!
Picked up my copy today at RJ Julia’s
Sorry to have missed you by a week
Will be reading next week in Greece.
Don’t enter me in the drawing, I am letting go of my inner pack-rat.
Amazing, Sandra! Thank you for your vulnerability and inspiration. Love being a MPW! ❤️
So proud to have known you in college – congrats for all you’ve achieved!
As a control freak, the concept of surrendering is tough for me. I like to think about the chorus lyrics of the appropriately-named Cheap Trick song…surrender somewhat, but hold back just a little (for yourself).
Mommy’s all right
Daddy’s all right
They just seem a little weird
Surrender
Surrender
But don’t give yourself away
Hey, hey
Thanks for friending me. I remember our connection well. And I love this song reminder to surrender. You’re taking me back today. Shoot me a fb message and let me know what you’re up to.
Sandra
Your dream of writing novels is coming true, embrace it and be proud of your work without playing the (what if………,) game when it comes to your readers. I have no doubt that your Novel will find its way in the world! I hope to make it to one of your book signing events.
And the winners are…Jim B and Catherine C, Congratulations. I’ll reach out by email for your mailing addresses.