I've Got Some Feelings...and a Giveaway

A few weekends ago, we hosted a rock band for our town’s Porchfest. People occasionally request songs at these. The one I tossed out was “I’ve Got a Feeling” by the Beatles. 

Everybody had a hard year
Everybody had a good time
Everybody had a wet dream
Everybody saw the sunshine

Everybody had a good year
Everybody let their hair down
Everybody pulled their socks up
Everybody put their foot down

Something in these lyrics speaks to me about the ups and downs of writing, selling, and editing my debut novel, Wednesdays at One. It was a hard year of writing and rewriting. And a (very) good time when  Zibby Books acquired it. Plenty of days, I had to let my hair down and relax into the editing process. And occasionally I put my foot down—albeit gently—when an early reader and I saw things differently. There were also a few dark moments when I doubted myself and went off track, so I was always pulling my socks up and watching for sunshine.  

As I approach my July 11th book launch date—the public part of the publishing process—friends keep asking me, “How are you feeling?”

Where to start? I’ve got so many feelings right now. I’m thrilled, overjoyed, overwhelmed, nervous, and bursting with gratitude that my twenty-five-year novel-publishing dream is finally coming true. I’m also terrified. It’s the kind of fear that comes with putting your creative work into the world and knowing that people will be judging it. 

Strangely, I feel more vulnerable with this book than I did four years ago when I launched my extremely personal and revealing memoir, Trove. Back then, I was so relieved to have made that seven-year journey from book idea to publication that I didn’t fear the judgment of readers and critics. Nothing they said could be worse than the hardest parts of my childhood—those very tales I lived to tell about. And no one could pick apart the believability of my storyline, because everything that happened in Trove was true.

This time, I am more invested in my novel being successful, because it’s not about me. It’s about the story, the characters, and the writing. Which is to say, it’s all about the book. Will it make people feel deeply and keep turning pages? Are they going to understand the journey of my protagonist–a broken psychologist looking for redemption? Will the themes of forgiveness and connection resonate after they’ve read the last line? Like every author, I want my book baby to thrive in the cutthroat literary world, but it’s wobbling me as I hyperfocus on Amazon best-seller rankings and early Goodreads reviews. 

On a walk the other night, my wise friend, John, said, “You should be so pleased with yourself for writing a book! You did it! That should be enough.” As he continued to offer encouragement, I had a moment’s realization that maybe he was right. I should be wildly proud to hold my novel in my hands. The hard work is done. 

“Yes. Absolutely,” I told him. “I need to see this as an accomplishment, rather than get obsessed with how people will respond.” Then I ran inside to check my Goodreads ratings. 

It’s challenging. As humans we want reassurance. As writers we are desperate for it. Beyond the reviews, a key part of the launch process is publicity and marketing, which means doing things like TikTok book launch dance challenges that can make an author—whose happy place is alone in her writing room—feel very exposed. Occasionally I’ll wake up with what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover. That feeling of shame that comes after taking an emotional risk—like posting something personal on social media and caring what people think. 

When that happens, I do what my protagonist, Gregory, does when he gets out of sorts: a round of deep breathing, or two, or three, until the feelings subside. (Just to be clear, it works better for me than it ever does for him.)

So what’s ahead? A busy summer with a book tour and a string of wonderful literary events and celebrations. There is a lot to do physically, but there is only one thing left to do emotionally: surrender.

My psychologist husband Mark (not to be confused with my psychologist protagonist) says that when you don’t surrender, you wear yourself down. You’re putting all of your energy and emotion into trying to influence an outcome that you probably have very little control over. When you do surrender, it simplifies things. It’s freeing. 

He’s right. (Not always, but definitely this time.)

Reverend Liz, my minister friend, says that surrender has to do with trusting the universe, trusting that you will be cared for, that there is enough love to go around. Or in my case, trusting that my novel will find its way in the world.

I’m going to take another risk now and ask you if you’re trying to control something too? Maybe it has to do with your job, your kids, your partner, your relationship with your body, or perhaps even something you’ve created but are reluctant to share. What if I propose that whatever it is you’re holding inside, you take a deep breath and let it go? Trust the universe will receive it with love. I’ll do the same. 

I’ve got a feeling it will be easier if we do it together. 

Lastly, feel free to put a comment (or emoji or even one word) below for a chance to win a Moleskine Zibby Books journal. Moleskine is a brand partner on Wednesdays at One, and I’d love to draw two readers’ names from a hat on Friday July 14th and send you each one of these gorgeous books. If your name is picked, I’ll reach out by email next Friday, so you can provide your mailing address.

Thank you for reading…and for your bravery.